Resilience

How to weather and recover from adversity, get unstuck and thrive?

Andy Weeger

Neu-Ulm University of Applied Sciences

August 18, 2025

Motivation

The pressure point

Picture this scenario

You’re leading a critical system migration project. Six months in:

• Two key developers just resigned
• Stakeholders are pushing back on the new interface
• Your team is exhausted and morale is low
• Leadership is questioning the ROI
• You have three weeks until go-live

How you navigate this moment will determine the project’s outcome.

The dilemma

Organizational change is notoriously difficult, with many initiatives failing to achieve their intended outcomes (Kotter, 1996). The primary cause is not technical complexity or inadequate resources. It’s people—resistance, fear, burnout, poor emotional navigation. But:

As IS professionals, we are trained in systems, architectures, and algorithms, but we are rarely trained in navigating our own emotional responses when things fall apart.

The importance of the inner world

How we deal with our inner worlds does drive everything. Susan David, Psychologist

In our modern societies, we attribute a lot to externalities. Often we think that we can change anything by changing externalities (e.g., changing our look to become more self-confident). And the external world does matter. Just think of what we discussed during the last lectures (e.g., “shaping the path”). But ultimately, the way we navigate our inner world, our ability to be healthy with ourselves, with our emotions, to be connected with our values and who we want to be, this has an outsize impact on everything else.

This is important as …

… you will face:

• Failed implementations and rollbacks
• Resistance to technological change
• AI-driven uncertainty and disruption
• Constant learning demands
• Team conflicts and turnover
• Budget cuts and scope changes

and your success depends on:

• Navigating setbacks without burnout
• Leading through uncertainty
• Maintaining clarity under pressure
• Supporting team resilience
• Making values-aligned decisions
• Recovering quickly from failures

The Stakes

Technical skills get you in the door.
Emotional agility determines whether you thrive or burn out.

Reflection

Think of one professional or academic setback you’ve experienced:

• On a scale of 1-10, how well did you navigate your emotional response?
• What would have helped you handle it better?

Think for your own first. Then turn to your neighbor and briefly share

• your challenge (one sentence),
• your rating and why
• as well as one thing that would have helped.

What patterns are emerging? What emotions made challenges harder?

10:00

Contents

This class is about emotional agility, the ability to come to your inner world—your thoughts, emotions, experiences and self-stories—with courage, compassion and curiosity. We try to find answers to the questions why and how we should learn from them, evaluate the situations we face, be clear-sighted about your options and move forward with values and purpose.

How do we navigate the inner world of thoughts, emotions, and reactions to become more effective leaders?

We’ll explore:

1. Resilience: what research tells us about people who bounce back (the what)
2. Emotional Agility: a practical framework for developing resilience (the how)

You will see that our internal responses to external challenges often matter more than the challenges themselves.

Foundation

This unit is inspired by and based on the books Resilience by Southwick et al. (2023) and Emotional Agility by David (2016)

This book written by world leaders on the science of resilience, is a must-read for everyone … The lessons in this book are what we should teach our children. Barbara Olasov Rothbaum

Susan David is the leading authority on how our thoughts, emotions, and motives can empower or derail us. Her work combines compelling research, an engaging style, and practical wisdom to show people how to create meaningful change in their lives in order to thrive. Peter Salovey, President, Yale University

Resilience by Southwick et al. (2023) and Emotional Agility by David (2016)

Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges

Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

Resilience

Definition

The term resilience is used to describe an individual’s capacity to withstand and ultimately recover from adversity. (Southwick et al., 2023)

Additional characteristics:

• Resilience people have face challenges
• Resilience unfolds over time
• Feeling distress does not mean someone is not resilient
• Resilience often involves growth
• Resilience can differ along the life span
• Resilience occurs in context

A rare resource?

We assumed resilience was rare, reserved for a select group of unique individuals. We were wrong. Resilience is common. It can be witnessed all around us, and for most people it can be enhanced through learning and training Southwick et al. (2023, p. 22)

Themes of resilience

In their research, Southwick et al. (2023) identified recurring themes that characterize resilient people:

1. Confrontation with fears
2. Maintaining of an optimistic but realistic outlook
3. Searching, accepting, and providing social support
4. Imitating resilient role models
5. Relying on a inner moral compass
6. Drawing on personal meaning-making systems or practices (e.g., spirituality)
7. Attending to health and well-being
8. Remaining curious, pushing to learn new things
9. Approaching problems with flexibility, and, at times, acceptance
10. Finding meaning and growth during and after traumatic experiences

Resources

Building resilience and bouncing back is easier for some than it is for others. (Southwick et al., 2023)

The privileges that my be conferred by race and several other identities in our society need to be acknowledged. In addition, people with valuable resources such as financial security, good health, and rich social networks can leverage these resources when adversities happen.

Optimism

Optimism is a future-oriented attitude that includes confidence that things will turn out well. (Southwick et al., 2023)

Our emotions are strongly tied to our attention and behavior (e.g., surviving or learning). Unlike pessimists, optimist do not remain focused on the negative. When optimist broaden their attention, they increase their capacity to reappraise situations that initially seemed negative. This allows them to (sometimes) see challenge in hardship and opportunities to grow.

Emotional agility

Reflection

We all perceive different kinds of emotions in our everyday life.

Which emotions are good,
which are bad?

Bad or good emotions?

According to David (2016), there is a core narrative about emotions¹:
There are good emotions (e.g., joy, happiness) and bad emotions (e.g., grief, anger)

However, beauty and fragility often go hand in hand².

Research shows that struggling to determine whether a thought or feeling is good or bad can …

• take up huge amounts of mental energy,
• lead the thought or emotion to hang around for longer,
• decrease our ability to solve problems,
• negatively impact our relationships, and,
• lead to lower levels of well-being over time (David, 2016).

Good news about bad moods

While it is rarely fun to be in a bad mood, and it is certainly not healthy to constantly stew in ‘negative’ emotions, here some examples of what experiences of sadness, anger, guilt, or fear can do:

1. Help us form arguments
2. Improve memory
3. Encourage perseverance
4. Make us more polite and attentive
5. Encourage generosity
6. Make us less prone to confirmation bias

Bothness

Bothness is the idea that you can do something even if you are scared to do it. We can be afraid and still engage with a challenge. We can grieve and still laugh at a joke.

Bothness gives us access to the full spectrum of life. Too often, we think that life is a series of either/or decisions. Be bold. Choose both.

We can label thoughts and emotions as good and bad, treat them as facts (e.g., “I am sad”), or allow them to become our identity.

We can also treat them differently and create space for other aspects of ourselves to come forward. We can embrace bothness, reflecting the complex, contradictory, real.

Bothness is the idea that you can do something even if you are scared to do it. It’s the idea that you can feel angry with your partner, notice that anger with compassion, and still reach out and give them a hug, because you recognize how much you value the relationship. There is wisdom in bothness. We can be afraid and still engage with a challenge. We can grieve and still laugh at a joke. Bothness gives us access to the full spectrum of life. Too often, we think that the world is a series of either/or decisions. Be bold. Choose both. Susan David, Psychologist

Let’s listen to the expert

Thoughts on emotion and behavior

René Magritte’s artwork “The Treachery of Images” (1929), often referred to as “The Pipe”, is one of his most famous pieces. The painting features a realistic image of a tobacco pipe with the caption “Ceci n’est pas une pipe” (French for “This is not a pipe”) written below it.

This work is a classic example of Surrealism, challenging viewers’ perceptions of reality and representation. Magritte’s point was that the painting is not a pipe, but merely an image of one. This creates a paradox, emphasizing the difference between an object and its representation.

The painting is housed at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art and continues to be a significant piece in discussions about art, language, and meaning.

The image is not the thing, the map is not the territory.

• Categories, snap impressions, gut feelings are good as they prevent “decision paralysis”.
• However, when they dominate the way we process information and behave, we lack agility and do not pay attention to the world as it is.

Growth and freedom

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom. Frankl (1985)

Emotional rigidity vs. agility

Emotional rigidity vs. emotional agility (David, 2016)

 

 

 

Figure 1: Emotional rigidity vs. emotional agility

People frequently die in fires or crash landings because they try to escape through the same door they used when they entered. David (2016)

If you’re ‘emotionally rigid’, you’re blind to new experiences and possibilities. You’ll find yourself stuck on the same path, even though it has made you unhappy for years. Picture a Naval officer demanding a lighthouse change course without realizing it wasn’t a ship (David, 2016, p. 1). The belief was that his vessel had right of way but such rigid thinking could have led to catastrophe! Adopting agility in your emotions is more likely to steer you on the right path and allow you to be flexible when you need to be.

Emotional agility is needed as the world is constantly changing and, thus, always presenting us with new opportunities and situations to which conditions or pre-programmed cognitive and emotional responses are not helpful. We should, thus, always embrace a beginners mind.

Hooked

Getting hooked means that we let our actions be guided by our thoughts, feelings, and stories, rather than of what is really important to us.

A ‘hook’ is a thought or emotion that draws us in and keeps us preoccupied. These hooks are often extremely counter-productive.

The four most common hooks:

1. Thought blaming: “I thought I’d embarrass myself, so I didn’t go.”
2. Monkey mindedness: Dwelling at length on a situation and ‘awfulising’ the circumstances.
3. Old, outgrown ideas: Believing that you must always act in ways that you have in the past, even when the circumstances might prove otherwise.
4. Wrongheaded righteousness: The need to be ‘right’ at all costs.

Thought blaming

“I thought I’d embarrass myself, so I didn’t go.” Letting thoughts drive behavior without questioning them.

Monkey mindedness

Dwelling at length on a situation and ‘awfulising’ the circumstances. Example: Replaying a difficult conversation for days.

Old, outgrown ideas

“I’ve always been the technical person, not the people person.” Believing you must act in ways you have in the past, even when circumstances have changed.

Wrongheaded righteousness

“My architecture is objectively better—I don’t care what the business needs.” The need to be ‘right’ at all costs, even when there’s an obviously better course of action.

Key signs that you’re hooked are when you

• try to avoid having particular thoughts or rationalize them away (e.g. “I’m unhappy in my job… but at least I’ve got a job!”);
• always try to ‘think positive’ or be happy;
• ignore troubling emotions (like sadness);
• blame your thoughts for having ‘made you’ do something e.g. ‘I yelled at him because It thought he was undermining me,’ or ‘I didn’t put my hand up for the project because I thought I might fail.’;
• overanalyze specific experiences (e.g. a past disappointment); or
• fight against the reality of the world and your life ‘as it is’.

Signs you’re hooked at work

Mental patterns:

• You try to avoid having particular thoughts or rationalize them away
• You always try to ‘think positive’ or be happy, regardless of context
• You over-analyze specific experiences (e.g., dwelling on a past disappointment)
• You can’t let go of an idea or “being right”

Emotional patterns:

• You ignore troubling emotions like sadness or frustration
• You blame your thoughts for “making you” do something
• You fight against the reality of the world ‘as it is’

Behavioral patterns (especially at work):

• You stay silent when you know something is going wrong
• You busy yourself with small tasks without considering the big picture
• You become apathetic or volunteer only for easy tasks
• You make backhanded comments about coworkers or projects
• You rely on assumptions or stereotypes about colleagues
• You aren’t taking agency over your career development

Reflection

Write down one situation from the past month where you felt ‘hooked.’ Which of the four types was it?”

02:00

Getting unhooked

David’s (2016) framework for increasing emotional agility

 

 

 

 

 

Figure 2: David’s (2016) framework for increasing emotional agility

Reflection

Sarah, a digital innovation manager, consistently works 60-hour weeks and says yes to every request. When asked to take on another urgent project, she feels resentful but agrees, thinking “I should be able to handle this.”

Have you ever been Sarah?

What is Sarah hooked by? What might her underlying values be? What would “walking her why” look like?

What is Sarah hooked by?

• Thought blaming: “I should be able to handle this” drives her decision, not reality
• Old, outgrown ideas: Identity as “the person who handles everything”
• Key indicator: Feels resentful but says yes anyway—actions conflict with feelings

What are her underlying values?

• Surface “values” (actually fears): “I should be capable/helpful/never disappoint”
• Likely genuine values: Excellence, contribution, reliability, team development

Critical insight: Her behavior (saying yes to everything) actually undermines her real values. You can’t deliver excellence when exhausted. You can’t develop others when you’re the bottleneck.

What would “walking her why” look like?

Values-aligned response:

I value sustainable excellence and developing my team. Taking this on would stretch me too thin to deliver quality work anywhere. Let me propose we assign this to [team member] with my oversight, or discuss which priority we can postpone.

Key point: Sarah will still feel uncomfortable—fear of disappointing, anxiety about perception, guilt about boundaries. Emotional agility means: “I can feel anxious about saying no AND still do it because it aligns with my values.”

Emotional agility isn’t about feeling better—it’s about aligning actions with values even when uncomfortable.

Closing remark

Remember the scenario we opened with—the resignations, the deadline pressure?

The technical skills to solve that problem? You already have them.

What determines the outcome is how you navigate your inner response when everything feels like it’s falling apart.

Who’s in charge—the thinker or the thought? Are we managing our own lives according to our own values and what is important to us, or are we simply being carried along by the tide? David (2016)

Every system you build, every transformation you lead, exists in a human context. Your ability to remain emotionally agile—this is what separates effective leaders from those who burn out or stagnate.

The question isn’t whether you’ll face adversity.
The question is: who will be in charge when you do?

Challenges

You want to learn how to lead change more efficiently? Here are three challenges that might help you along the way.

• Level 1: Reflect through writing. During the next two weeks, take 10 minutes at the end of each day to write about your emotional experiences from the past day; don’t worry about making it perfect or readable: go where your mind takes you; it’s not about the document (you can delete it); the point is that those thoughts are now out of you and on the page.
• Level 2: Watch the gaps. Identify the values (i.e., qualities of action), that are important to you³; analyze your behaviors in challenging situations and watch the gaps between them and your values (i.e., is my response in line with my values of …)—often simply noticing gaps can help to close them
• Level 3: Getting unhooked. extend watch the gaps and recognize your patterns, notice if you’ve been hooked by your thoughts and feelings; if so, label them, accept them, and then act on your values (i.e., take deliberate action that aligns with your values; do not revert to the familiar, but take and enjoy the challenge, without being overwhelmed)

Reading list

For digging deeper, I recommend reading the articles of the reading exercise (again) plus following articles/books:

• Psychological flexibility: Bond et al. (2013), Kashdan (2010)
• Self awareness: Brown & Ryan (2003)
• Logotherapy: Frankl (1985)
• Emotional agility: David & Congleton (2013) (HBR), David (2016) (book)
• Differences in emotion regulation processes: Gross & John (2003)
• Reflect through writing: Lepore & Greenberg (2002), Slatcher & Pennebaker (2006)
• ACT: Luoma et al. (2007), Wilson (2014)
• Fundamental attribution error: Tetlock (1985)
• Acceptance and commitment therapy: Hayes et al. (2006)

Q&A

Literature

Bond, F. W., Hayes, S. C., & Barnes-Holmes, D. (2013). Psychological flexibility, ACT, and organizational behavior. In Acceptance and mindfulness at work: Applying acceptance and commitment therapy and relational frame theory to organizational behavior management (pp. 25–54). Routledge.

Brown, K. W., & Ryan, R. M. (2003). The benefits of being present: Mindfulness and its role in psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(4), 822.

David, S. (2016). Emotional agility: Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. Penguin Publishing Group.

David, S., & Congleton, C. (2013). Emotional agility. Harvard Business Review, 91(11), 125–131.

Frankl, V. E. (1985). Man’s search for meaning. Pocket Books.

Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348.

Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25.

Kashdan, T. B. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 865–878.

Kotter, J. P. (1996). Leading change. Harvard Business School Press.

Lepore, S. J., & Greenberg, M. A. (2002). Mending broken hearts: Effects of expressive writing on mood, cognitive processing, social adjustment and health following a relationship breakup. Psychology and Health, 17(5), 547–560.

Luoma, J. B., Hayes, S. C., & Walser, R. D. (2007). Learning ACT: An acceptance & commitment therapy skills-training manual for therapists. New Harbinger Publications.

Slatcher, R. B., & Pennebaker, J. W. (2006). How do i love thee? Let me count the words: The social effects of expressive writing. Psychological Science, 17(8), 660–664.

Southwick, S. M., Charney, D. S., & DePierro, J. M. (2023). Resilience: The science of mastering life’s greatest challenges. Cambridge University Press.

Tetlock, P. E. (1985). Accountability: A social check on the fundamental attribution error. Social Psychology Quarterly, 227–236.

Wilson, K. G. (2014). The ACT matrix: A new approach to building psychological flexibility across settings and populations. New Harbinger Publications.

Footnotes

1. The labels god and bad are, e.g., also used in most of the academic articles about emotions.

2. When you love someone, your also open up yourself to having your heart broken—life demands that you can experience some of the so-called bad thoughts and bad emotions — that is “the truth of living”.

3. Possible personal values as noted in David & Congleton (2013): accuracy, achievement, adventure, authority, autonomy, caring, challenge, change, comfort, compassion, contribution, cooperation, courtesy, creativity, dependability, duty, family, forgiveness, friendship, fun, generosity, genuineness, growth, health, helpfulness, honesty, humility, humor, justice, knowledge, leisure, mastery, moderation, nonconformity, openness, order, passion, popularity, power, purpose, rationality, realism, responsibility, risk, safety, self-knowledge, service, simplicity, stability, tolerance, tradition, wealth